


i was so strong (now i feel useless)

by dearparker



Series: whumping peter parker like it’s a full time job [6]
Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Abuse, Angry Peter Parker, BAMF May Parker (Spider-Man), Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Domestic Violence, F/M, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, One Shot, Original Character(s), Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Protective May Parker (Spider-Man), Protective Tony Stark, Worried May Parker (Spider-Man), Worried Ned Leeds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23373823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearparker/pseuds/dearparker
Summary: Peter knows that love shouldn’t hurt. It shouldn’t leave him numb with bruises coloring his abdomen and unwanted hickies along his neck.But he loves Becca. He just wants to see her happy.So he keeps his mouth shut.
Relationships: Karen (Spider-Man: Homecoming) & Peter Parker, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: whumping peter parker like it’s a full time job [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1780081
Comments: 5
Kudos: 192





	i was so strong (now i feel useless)

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning: implied/referenced rape/non-con i dont think it’s detailed tho  
> heavy abuse

Peter wasn’t stupid, he knew love wasn’t supposed to hurt. But Becca got angry with him sometimes and she would dig her sharp nails into his arm until she drew blood.

But it was his fault, he didn’t have enough money to buy her this black, denim jacket she saw in a store window. She didn’t talk to him for two days and by then the half-crescent marks in his arm were a faded memory.

Becca told him to get a job to buy her all the things she wanted, and he wanted to tell her that he couldn’t. Spider-Man (which she of course didn’t know about), on top of the Stark Internship and Academic Decathlon, took up all of his free time. He was practically dead on his feet.

She slapped him right across his face when he said that. When he stood there, frozen in shock, she burst into tears.

“I asked you for simple things Peter!” She had sobbed into her perfectly manicured hands, “If you really loved me you would do what I say.”

Peter thought she was crazy, they’d only started dating a little over two months ago! But as she cried into her hands, black eyeliner dripping down her cheeks, he wrapped her into a hug with a heavy sigh.

So he started working for Mr. Delmar.

He’d drag his feet behind him when mopping the store’s floors, his phone constantly vibrating in his pocket with texts from Becca. He’d usually try to ignore it but eventually Mr. Delmar scolded him, stressing the urgency of the situation.

It went on for a month and a half, dragging his feet behind him after long shifts and using Aunt May’s concealer to hide the dark purple bags under his eyes. Since starting his job he’d started breaking his curfew regularly, scrambling through his window at half three in the morning and falling asleep in his Spider-Man suit.

* * *

It was Valentine’s Day when Becca called him. He was working a shift at Delmar’s, smiling politely at the man who just bought a bouquet of flowers for his fiancé. Mr. Delmar himself came storming up beside him.

“Didn’t you tell that girlfriend of yours you’re not allowed on your phone at work?” He asked grumpily.

“Yes?” Peter frowns, he did in fact tell her he couldn’t answer her texts during work. Sure, she punched him in his lip and screamed at him for fifteen minutes, but she did stop blowing up his phone.

“Go answer it, I’m closing up anyway. Gotta get home, start dinner.” Mr. Delmar spoke with a content sigh. Peter smiled at him and untied his apron, hanging it up in the backroom. He grabbed his belongings and waved goodbye to his boss.

_26 missed calls: Becca_

Peter frowned at the notification at the top of his phone, her name glared at him. He called her back and sped down the street as his heart pounded.

He wasn’t scared of her, but she can be terrifying.

“Too busy talking to that bitch Michelle to answer your phone huh?” Becca’s bitter voice came after the first ring, “Sorry, she’s MJ to you right?”

“Wait what?” Peter was baffled.

“If you prefer MJ so much, why don’t you fucking date her instead?!” Becca seethed, “It’s ridiculous Peter! You only ever talk about MJ or fucking Betty Brant or your stupid, fat fucking friend Ned!”

“Becca what the hell?” Peter snapped at her, immediately coming to his friends defense. She had no right to say that!

“You don’t fucking love me anymore, that’s why huh! It makes sense since you obviously hang out with Michelle more, is that why you kept blowing off my calls today? It’s not like she’ll love you as much as I do, babe.”

“Becca of course I love you, where is this even coming from?” Peter frowned at her words, climbing the stairs in his apartment building. “MJ is my friend, and she’s my Decathlon captain.”

“But I’m your girlfriend! I come before her!” Becca sounded dangerously close to tears.

“MJ is still my friend, Bec-“

“You never spend time with me.” Becca cried out, efficiently cutting him off. “It’s always Ned o-or Michelle or your stupid ‘internship’! You’re constantly shoving your face with food, is that more important? You know, if you keep it up you’ll be as fat as your stupid friend.”

“Michelle and Ned are my friends, and Mister Stark’s internship is a way for me to get a more hands on experience before going to college.” Peter explained, kicking off his shoes at the door. He smiled tiredly at Aunt May who was on the couch. He chooses to ignore her fat shaming comments but he couldn’t exactly stop the heat behind his eyes.

“I want you to stop hanging out with them.” She replied.

“What? No, Becca I’m not doing that.” Peter frowned and set his spare key on the counter besides May’s. She furrowed her brow at him.

“Why not?!” Becca screamed. He winced and pulled the phone away from his ear. 

“Because they’re my friends and I need them, plus Mister Stark is my boss,” Peter sighed into the phone. “My schedule is packed and I’m sorry we don’t hang out all the time, but balancing Decathlon and the Internship and my job? I’m exhausted.”

Becca’s silence over the line is broken by a harsh sob and his heart clenches painfully in his chest. He squeezes his eyes shut.

“Hey hey I’m sorry, I love you okay? I just need—“

“If you loved me then you would show me Peter.”

He pauses at that and glances at the calendar, his bottom lip tucked in between his teeth. May comes up from behind him and places gentle hands on his shoulders, he can’t hide his flinch from her. She freezes.

“We could go on a date tomorrow?” He suggests quickly, hoping May would drop the fact that he flinched (she definitely won’t). 

“Come by tonight, please Peter, I need you.” 

Peter groans at what she’s suggesting and grits his teeth. He specifically told her he didn’t want to lose his virginity any time soon, he wouldn’t just give it away to the first girl he dated. Sure they’ve been dating for nearly four months now, but the thought of having sex makes his skin crawl.

She abruptly ends the call and that’s when he knew he messed up. He sighs heavily and melts into May’s touch, she works silently to massage the knots of tension from his shoulders.

“Trouble in Paradise?” May asks gently. Tears prick at the corners of his eyes and his laugh is humorless.

“Can I go to her house tonight?” He sounds exhausted.

“If you go to her house tonight there’s no patrolling, got it?” May replies.

“Got it. Thank you May.” He turns around and hugs her tightly, a shuddering breath leaving his parted lips.

When he did go to her house that night, he lost his virginity after arguing with her for ten minutes and firmly telling her no. She made him do it anyway and he wasn’t pleased at all, but when she snuggled into his bare chest he felt numb.

“See babe?” Becca whispers into his skin, nails digging into his hip, “I told you Michelle won’t love you like I do.”

Peter agrees, because he knows that love isn’t supposed to hurt. He knows it’s not supposed to leave you numb. But he hums to himself and stares at her stupid, LED lights that blare red at him. (Red flag!)

Code red, code red.

He ignores it, just like how he ignores the bruises she leaves, the dirty feeling and the comments she makes.

* * *

On the day of their four month anniversary, Peter is fuming. The entire school knows that Becca took his virginity, Flash taunting him in the hallways with a loud bark of laughter.

“You finally lived up to your name, Penis! How’s it feel to win for once?” Flash and his lackeys laughed from their lockers.

At lunch, he finds her twirling her hair and staring hungrily at Jason Ionello. He quickens his pace and bends down to whisper in her ear.

“We need to talk.” He grabs her wrist and hauls her out of her seat. She yelps in surprise and follows him into a deserted corner in the cafeteria. He can practically feel people staring at him, Ned and MJ to be specific.

He lets go of her wrist and she huffs, chewing her gum rather loudly. She smacks her lips again, and he swears on everything he could feel his eye twitch.

“Did you tell people?” He’s seething. He didn’t even want to have sex in the first place, now everybody knows. They know and they keep staring at him.

“Uh duh!” She giggles into her hair. “Just wanted to tell everyone how great you were in bed.”

He’s not impressed, “I’m not a fucking trophy Becca.”

“Who do you think you’re talking to?” Becca steps threateningly towards him.

“Why would you tell people that? You know this topic makes me uncomfortable and people keep staring at me.” His shoulders drop and his exhaustion is on full display. He used the last of May’s concealer to hide the bruise on his jawline.

“Oh please grow the hell up,” Becca scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest. She towers over him. “You’re gonna have to get used to it.”

“Becca..” He trails off, stopping when she brings her hands up. It takes everything in him to stop himself from flinching when she slams her lips into his, biting his bottom lip. She smiles at him brightly.

“See you Friday night?”

“I’ll try.” He replies, but she doesn’t hear it anyway. His stomach cries out in hunger but he ignores it. Communication was never his strong suit.

* * *

It’s raining on the day of their five month anniversary. Peter’s downright tired and his neck is covered in hickies, a bright red bite mark on his inner thighs. Becca stayed home today, and he hates the way his chest doesn’t feel as tight.

(Peter isn’t stupid, he knows that love isn’t supposed to hurt.)

He’s getting books from his locker when his spider-sense flares and he steps back quickly, watching his locker get slammed shut. The loud noise makes him flinch and shrink in on himself, and he could tell the person wasn’t happy.

“I think we should talk.” Michelle’s voice is calm and collected but Peter can hear her heart hammering against her ribcage.

“ _Peter, I’m serious! If I find out you’re hanging out with Michelle I swear on my life I will make you pay_ ,”

Becca’s voice rings loudly in his head and he involuntarily flinches, watching as Michelle’s mouth drops open before clicking shut. Ned’s beside him in a second, trying to get his attention.

“What’s there to talk about?” He asks softly, avoiding their gazes. These are his best friends, he hasn’t spoken to them in over three weeks. He slips out of Ned’s grasp after Decathlon and takes a different route to third period to avoid Michelle.

By now the hallways are deserted, everybody rushing out to go enjoy their afternoon and squash the mountains of homework. Right now he should’ve been on his way to work.

Ned looks around, and Peter knows that the boy doesn’t like confrontation, at least not like this. Michelle was different though and she steps forward, he takes two backward.

“Why have you been avoiding us?” She isn’t necessarily asking and there’s a definite bite in her words, “Peter what the hell? You’ve been avoiding everybody! Even Stark called Ned because he was concerned.”

“I-I haven’t been avoiding everyone..” Peter weakly protests.

“Oh wait how could I forget, you’ve been blowing everybody off to hang out with Becca.” She spits out the name.

Peter bites his lip and clenches his backpack strap tightly. “She was upset I wasn’t hanging out with her, so I made more room in my schedule.”

“Peter,” Ned sighs. “Does Becca not understand how packed your schedule is? Academic Decathlon, the Stark Internship and your job at Delmar’s, it’s exhausting just thinking about it.”

“She’s right though.” 

“Is she?” Michelle grits out, bending down to catch his eye. He feels tears pool in the corners.

“She has to be, I mean I was being a bad boyfriend.” Peter shrugs his shoulders, “It’s the least I could do.”

“Peter you already do so much though.” Michelle frowns, “I mean you’re Spider-Man and a teenager, mountains of homework piling up on your desk. Can’t she see how exhausted you are? You need a break.”

“I don’t need a break, I need to be better.” Peter stresses, “I’m trying to keep her happy.”

“You can’t make everyone happy.” Ned says sadly.

“But she needs to be happy, I-I can’t have her mad at me again.” He can’t hide the waver in his voice and Michelle grabs his forearm gently.

“Is she hurting you?”

He wants to scream at Michelle because no, Becca would never hurt him. She just corrects the little mistakes like his laziness and she pushes him to be better. Sure Becca makes him bleed but he makes her cry, it’s only fair.

But love isn’t supposed to hurt right?

So he doesn’t scream at Michelle, he just rips his arm away from her and starts running away. His excuse and everything he wants to say is on the tip of his tongue. He doesn’t say a word.

When he visits Becca later that day, she’s angry. The minute she lets him inside her house angry tears stream down her face but she doesn’t say anything, just steps into the kitchen. He furrows his brow.

“Becca?” He asks quietly, his backpack finding its way to the floor. She’s scrubbing angrily at a plate.

“What?” She spits out and he flinches at her tone. He can’t even ask what’s wrong before she’s ranting.

“Why would you do this to me Peter! I thought we were okay! We’ve been making love and you’ve been doing better, you’re not eating like a fat fucking pig and you make time to see me, so why the fuck do I have to hear from Abe that you were hanging out with Michelle!” Becca screams and she’s hurtling the plate at him.

He dodges seconds before it makes contact with the wall and shatters into hundreds of pieces. He stares in shock for a moment. “You’re spying on me?”

“So you are cheating on me with Michelle!” Becca seethes and hits him on the side of his head.

His vision immediately begins to swim, “I’m not cheating on you! I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Becca yells something unintelligible and grabs something from the dirty dish water, a large kitchen knife. His eyes widen and he’s yelling too, but in fear.

She’s never went this far. She’s been angry, she’s forced him into sex, but she had never pulled an actual weapon on him. He can’t gather his thoughts and suddenly there’s a stinging sensation under his eye. She swings at him blindly and he tries to grab the knife from her tight grip.

Becca cuts his wrist instead. The blood gushes from the slice and Peter stumbles until his tailbone painfully connects with the floor, having tripped over his own feet. His head connects with the wall, black dots swim in his vision completed with the sound of his grumbling stomach.

There’s blood dripping onto his white button up and his jeans he bought on clearance with Aunt May two months ago, the puddle is steadily growing bigger. He can tell he’s shaking and Becca kneels down in front of him, grips his hair tightly before she smiles sickeningly sweet.

“See baby? I wouldn’t have to hurt you if you would just listen to me. Nobody’s gonna love you like I do, I’m just doing this so you can be better.” She kisses his lips and slams his head into the wall two times.

When he comes to, he’s naked under her satin sheets and she’s beside him fast asleep. He doesn’t bother stopping the tears from falling into his hair.

* * *

The next time he’s out as Spider-Man, it’s three days into Spring Break. It’s surprisingly quiet at four am but he’s hurting so much under the spandex his heart feels like it’s going to burst. He’s been dating Becca for six months now and he can’t keep pretending.

Hell, Becca stopped caring weeks ago. He recently found out that she’s been fucking Jason Ionello this entire time.

“Karen?” He sounds empty, feels dirty and useless. Becca told him that one after forcing him to have sex with her. Again.

“Yes Peter?” Karen sounds soft, her words screaming safety. He picks at the cut Becca made less than two weeks ago, reopening it so many times it’s stopped healing. His left eye is swollen but not shut, but he still kissed her goodbye.

“I don’t know what to do anymore Karen,” Peter’s voice breaks. “I don’t know how to make my girlfriend happy and she’s angry all the time, I don’t know what to do.”

“Does your girlfriend hurt you, Peter?” Karen’s voice sounds quiet.

The dam breaks.

“S-She cut my wrist like t-two weeks ago?” Peter says through sobs, “But i-it doesn’t hurt! I just made her angry!”

He hates the fact he’s trying to justify her anger, this abuse. Love shouldn’t hurt. 

“I-I just can’t make her happy s-so it makes sense r-right?” Peter gasps for air and his vision blurs.

“Peter, that’s abuse. You deserve to be happy too.” Karen replies.

“I don’t kno-know where it w-went wrong.” Peter’s sobbing uncontrollably now and it hurts his head, but he can’t do it anymore. He can’t do the forced sex or the bruises or fake smiles.

He rips off the mask. Nothing feels right anymore.

* * *

Becca wakes him up at eight am sharp the following morning. Aunt May is cooking omelettes in the kitchen and singing old radio songs she would listen to with Ben.

“Why didn’t you come over yesterday?” There’s a frown on her face and she’s tapping her foot impatiently. Peter’s extremely grateful his Spider-Man suit is underneath his bed.

“I was over the day before.” He pushes himself out of bed, stumbling on his feet. He’s not wearing a shirt so his bruises and ribs are on full display.

She squints, “You were with Michelle weren’t you!”

“I was with Ned!” He replies quickly and rummages through his closet for a clean shirt. She digs her nails into his shoulder blade.

“Why?!” Her voice is tight.

“We were studying for an upcoming Decathlon meet.” Peter says, distracted when three loud knocks sound at the front door. Becca doesn’t hear it and she raises her voice.

“Why do you keep lying to me!” She practically screams, her hands form fists.

“I’m not lying to you Becca please!” He raises his voice at her, forgetting about Aunt May and whoever was at the door.

“Don’t give me that shit Peter!” Becca screeches, poking his bruised left eye. He yelps out in pain. 

“You’re cheating on me aren’t you!”

“Becca I’m not fucking cheating on you!” Peter screams at her, his heart pounding against his ribs. “I fucking love you, I wouldn’t cheat on you! But you can’t say the same huh!”

She laughs loudly, “Oh so this is about me now!?”

Peter can hear Aunt May and another heartbeat, undeniably Tony Stark, but he’s so filled with rage he can’t bring himself to lower his voice. 

“You’ve been cheating on me this entire time with Jason fucking Ionello! But I can’t hang out with my best friend? You’re being ridiculous Becca! Because of you I’m losing everything good in my life!”

“They don’t fucking love you! Michelle won’t love you like I do, can’t you fucking see that!? You’re fucking broken, you’re a mess Peter!” She snarls.

“Who’s fucking fault is that!” Peter screams at her and she slaps him across his face right as the door swings open.

Aunt May stands behind Tony Stark, gauntlet around his right hand and he points it directly at Becca. Tears spring to her eyes and her bottom lip wobbles, looking directly at May.

“M-May he just started accusing me of—“

“Cut the bullshit sweetheart. You have five seconds to get the fuck out before I ruin that face of yours.” Tony’s voice is calculating and he shoves Becca as she sprints out the room, tears streaming down her face. He charges the repulsor and she screams, running through the open door.

Peter doesn’t watch the whole thing happening, instead staring at his shaking hands with panicked breaths. The tears overflow and spill down his cheeks, he can’t keep the whimper from escaping him.

Aunt May pushes herself out the doorframe and towards her nephew. He’s panicking and tears are spilling down, the right side of his face bright red and angry. She places a gentle hand on the left side of his face, choosing to ignore the deep bruises coloring her nephew’s chest and the bright red line on his wrist, instead focusing on making eye contact with him.

“I’m not mad honey.” She speaks softly and it’s all it takes for him to crumble. He wraps his arms around her waist and cries into her long hair. She runs her fingers through his hair and kisses his inflamed skin.

“I tried so hard to make her happy May.” Peter’s voice breaks somewhere along the line, “I didn’t want to do half of those things but if it made her happy I did it. Guess it wasn’t worth it in the end huh?”

May shushes him and hugs him tighter, her own eyes burning with tears. They fall down her face and she breaks down when Tony comes back into the room.

* * *

It doesn’t take Helen Cho or Bruce Banner to tell him that Becca was abusing him. That every time they had sex, it wasn’t consensual so it was in fact rape. He didn’t need a doctor to tell him that, but it made it so much more real for everyone around.

Helen wraps his arm after properly cleaning it and Bruce comes in with a smoothie, placing it on his bedside with a gentle smile. Peter barely managed to smile back before he sinks into his bed, the wrap on his cut crinkling softly.

He can’t help the tears that spring to his eyes because he tried so hard. He tried to make her happy with warm hugs and soft hugs but she always wanted more, she wanted control. She got what she wanted.

Peter couldn’t get rid of the memories of her tight nails digging into the soft flesh on his thighs or her over lined lips screaming that he was useless, that he continued to fuck up.

Aunt May’s hand brushed through his hair and he sighs heavily.

“What are you thinking about?” She asks, kneeling beside his bed. She stares at the side of his face until he makes himself look into her eyes.

“Why wasn’t I good enough?” Peter asked through his tears, and he was so tired of crying. Feeling weak, dirty,  useless.

“Oh baby you’re good enough,” May wraps him in a hug and it’s a little awkward at first, but it works. “You’re the absolute best of us, she was just poison. You’re gonna get better and you’re gonna realize that right now? You don’t have to fight anymore. You don’t have to look over your shoulder baby.”

His shoulders shake with silent sobs and his chest feels tight, he almost feels like screaming out for Helen Cho to fix this unbearable weight in his chest but he refrains. He inhales May’s perfume and relaxes a little. He doesn’t have to do this alone.

“You don’t ever have to see her again. Never again. Nobody’s gonna hurt you ever again.”

May’s gonna make sure of that, and if she punched Becca so hard across her stupid face that she slammed into the brick wall, nobody but her and Tony knew. She kissed the top of Peter’s head twice.

Nobody’s gonna hurt him again, never again.

**Author's Note:**

> i apologize for the heavy topics, any spelling mistakes and if i misinterpreted something. leave comments and kudos please


End file.
